A Day With Dusty

The World Series begins in an hour and a half. And I'm anxious/nervous/scared/any other unsettling adjective. To calm me down, here's a recap of my recent day with Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia aka the l'il guy. With apologies to "Dougie's Goin' Deep Tonight"

6:34 am: Wake up with Dusty and enjoy a bowl of Coco Puffs while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle.
7:21 am: Mrs. Pedroia sets out Dusty's clothes for a big day of school. Dusty's outfit: Yellow Pokemon shirt, Ninja Turtles tighty-whities, and a pair of Oshkosh overalls.
7:39 am: Hop on the bus to school with Dusty. The bus driver Clementine says good morning and gives Dusty his morning lollipop per his contract.
8:21 am: Dusty decides today is the day he conquers "Green Eggs and Ham" saying that the only reason he isn't on the same reading level as everyone else is because everyone knows shorter people don't learn to read as fast.
9:32 am: Snack time. Dusty ducks into the little boys room and packs a lip of Skoal Citrus. Proclaims, "This is the only snack for meeee."
10:03 am: Morning recess. Dusty kicks three home-runs in kickball, even while falling on his ass every time from trying to kick out of his velcro'ed Red Sox sneakers, size 6. Still pimps every homer and manages to talk to every girl on the jungle gym before recess ends.
10:23 am: Supposed to be time for math. Dusty doesn't participate. Says the teacher is disrespecting him and she "doesn't know shit."
10:35 am: After trying and getting a math problem wrong, Dusty claims, "I wasn't wrong, the problem just got lucky."
11:26 am: Dip number two.
11:45 am: Lunch/Recess. After engulfing two ham sandwiches and a Pabst Blue Ribbon he stole from his dad before school, Dusty hits the playground again. Three more kickball homers and little Suzy's phone number later, Dusty's had enough.
12:56 pm: Naptime. Dusty disciplined by teacher for sharing a mat with said Suzy. "Dont hate the player, hate the game." is all Dusty can say.
1:48 pm: Dusty makes a replica Phiten camoflauge necklace out of macaroni.
2:12 pm: Dip three.
2:29 pm: Dusty shares back seat of bus with Suzy. Suzy shuts him down when she notices that the lil guy has a receding hairline. Already.
3:18 pm: Mrs. Pedroia prepares a plate of ants on a log for Dusty. Dusty eats the raisins and peanut butter, then throws the celery back at Mrs. Pedroia. Says he'll never be taller than 5'2" by eating celery.
4:29 pm: Dusty takes some vicious cuts off the Fisher-Price tee in the backyard. Hits three balls off neighbors house. When they yell at him Dusty simply says "Shove it" and heads inside.
4:48 pm: Dusty shows up for extra batting practice at Fenway. Says "When you're this small, you have to work extra hard."
6:34 pm: Dip four.
7:05 pm: Dusty goes three-for-four, with a game-saving stop in the ninth inning.
10:21 pm: Coach Francona brings Dusty to Friendly's for a Happy-Ending sundae. Tito drops Dusty off at home.
10:35 pm: Dusty brushes his teeth, takes his vitamins, and says his prayers before Mrs. Pedroia tucks him for the night.
11:32 pm: Dusty dreams of a World Series win and a Rookie of the Year trophy.

Sox in six.
-MC