"Larry Bird is not walking through that door." -- But It'd Sure Help

Warning: Rant coming. Well kids, it's 12:51 a.m. And this guy just got back to his room. And no, the ski preview is not done yet. Stan Moulton, nose hair flaring neglected me the whole night turning my night into the morning. Leaving at 12:08, a new record. Enough bitching. I'm here to rant. First of all, Happy 50th Larry Bird. Larry obviously personifies Celtic domination in the later half of the 20th century. It was Bill Russell's team during the C's first major title run, and Larry's in the second major run. The guy is a bonafide legend. He is a reminder, albeit a fading reminder of what the C's once were. And if you know anything about the NBA, they haven't been there in awhile. I'm gonna be straight up here when I say, the Celtics absolutely suck. I don't care about the positive, encouraging, maturing before our eyes moments, they suck. The quicker everyone comes to terms with this, the easier it will be to watch what once was the greatest franchise in NBA history look up from the bottom of the standings at the likes of the Atlanta Hawks, the Toronto Raptors, and the UCLA Bruins. They are bad. They're looking up at everyone. Because they're one of the worst teams in the league. Two teams are worse. The Charlotte Bobcats and the Memphis Grizzlies. It's embarrassing. This has got to be the bottom point in the franchise history. Yes, they sucked in the mid to late-90s too. But, for starters, the glory days were still a recent memory which made it easier to swallow. And, Doc Rivers didn't coach the C's.

Doc Rivers is a bad coach. He doesn't have a rotation. Obviously, he can't develop young players. If he could do that, you might see an ounce of improvement so far, because this is the youngest team in the league. That also doesn't help. I'm not going to get excited about Kendrick Perkins, Rajon Rando, the oft-injured Al Jefferson, and especially Sebastian Telfair any time soon. That's not Doc's fault. But come on man, coach some of them up, get a solid rotation, and maybe we'll win 7 of our next 17, instead of 5 like they have so far. There also the toughest team to watch in the NBA (which is really saying a lot. It's the NBA, people). If you haven't seen them, congratulations. Unbearable, and unhealthy. Flashes of brilliance occasionally, but more often than not, flashes of poop. Work with me, it's late.

All I'm doing is rambling. I'm making no sense. I'm sorry. It's terrible writing, and I could care less. But where do the Celtics go from here?
1. Fire Doc Rivers...They need to go a different direction. And hell, Doc is a great TV guy.
2. Make Ainge the interim coach...The guy has some plan, I'll give him 55-60 games to work his magic, I'm not above that. And, I don't have any other better ideas.
3. Draft someone who actually played in college. This one will happen, thank you very much David Stern. But seriously, would they not be better in 07-08 with someone like Joakim Noah, Brendan Wright, or hell if they get lucky for once, Greg Oden? Don't think too hard, they would be better. I like Noah the most of those three, most college experience. Proven college winners make good NBA players. Simple.
4. Ask Paul Pierce what he wants...If he wants to be traded, do him the favor and trade him. The guy has been a saint through everything. If you trade him, it's not abandoning ship. You can't abandon a ship you don't have. And if he stays, you have one of the best players in the NBA. Happy time.
5. Make Bill Simmons the GM. Kind of joking, because it wouldn't happen. But it should.

I'm done for the night, I think. I really want them to get better, I really do. I want my own Celtics dynasty to root for and enjoy them prosper. I can't stand being in the same sentence as a team from Memphis. Or anything from Canada. Here's hoping things change. And if not, the Bruins won again tonight.

Night kids. One quick note, if you guys are actually reading us, drop us a line to let us know. Let us know what you wanna read. We'll probably totally disregard your opinion, but hey give it a shot. Can't hurt, can it?

-MC